General Conference Weekend

Our church (LDS) held its annual General Conference this weekend.  We stayed at home watching all weekend.  We made a tasty breakfast both days and hung out in our p.j.'s.

She wasn't tired, just look at her

After the Saturday sessions we walked around Coronado beach, and after the Sunday sessions we went to Balboa park.

We went on this really cool trail that made you feel like you were walking through the jungle.  It had these huge trees that easily fit Andy and Ellie.
Ellie was so excited to be on the trail and Penny was happy to just be in the stroller enjoying the view.

Andy didn't work or go into the studio all weekend, and it was so nice to be able to spend so much time together as a family!

Depression

I'm going to talk about the thing that no one likes to talk about, but that most people will deal with at some point in their life.  Depression.

Its real, its horrible, but you can do something about it.

For me, the hardest part has been realizing that I have been depressed.  I'm embarrassed to say this, especially on a public forum, but I've gained some weight since we've moved to Florida.  After Thomas I had lost the baby weight, and then some, but when we moved out here I gained back to extra weight I had lost.  I haven't stepped on a scale in weeks and finally made myself do it, and when I did, I was shocked.  I've never weighed this much, not counting pregnancy.  It made me stop and look at my life and why this happened.  Then it hit me, I'm depressed.

I've never wanted to admit this to myself but I had to come face to face with it.  I guess I just didn't fully realize the impact of loosing Thomas, mixed with moving across from the country from every person that I know and I love and how much I was struggling with these two things.

Andy has been so incredibly supportive during all of this.  He has given me amazing priesthood blessings, and picked up the slack the days when I can't seem to get myself to do much.  I love him so much.

We recently had general conference for our church and there was a fantastic talk by Elder Holland.  Life changing messages were given in this talk.  He spoke about depression and other mental illnesses.  I just want to put a few highlights down below.

"...and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor."

"Above all, never loose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend."

"Hope is NEVER lost.  If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior's own anguished example: if the bitter up does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."

I know that the road to overcoming depression has lots of curves, and unexpected road blocks, but I know that with this gospel I can overcome anything.

I'm glad I've got this beam of sunshine

After this life

Something that any parent will tell you that has lost a child, is that they worry what will  become of their child and will they see them again.  We are members of The Church of Jesus of Latter Day Saints and so we looked into our doctrine to see whats been said about the loss of children and what comes later.

We found some amazing things, and it has brought such great comfort to our hearts.  Joseph Smith, the first prophet of the church, has said several things on the matter.  I'll list them below.

• "The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall have them again..."
• "You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of spirit.  It will be a far greater joy than you could possibly have in mortality, because you will be free from the sorrow and fear and disabilities of mortal life, and you will know more than you could know in this life."

I can't rightly express the comfort that this knowledge brings.  We know that he is in the greatest place there is and that he is with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We will raise Thomas, and we will be together as a family again.

Even though every day is still so difficult and sometimes I don't know how to go on, I know that I will be with him again and that makes it possible to go on.

Sunday

Ellie got a great present from Anna, Andy's mom, for her birthday.  It was a quiet book!  I was really excited when she opened it, Ellie was really exciting to eat the wrapping paper it came in.  I tried to make Ellie a quiet book out of felt, because I saw one on pintrest and I thought it looked so easy.  Well turns out it was really hard and time consuming, and it would have probably would have gotten finished just time for when Ellie's children needed a quiet book at church.  She sat basically still throughout all of sacrament with it, and I swear I could hear the hallelujah chorus playing because we made it through sacrament without Ellie having a meltdown and having to be taken out into the hall.  We only let her have it on Sunday's so that way it always seems new and exciting to her.  It has pages on the word of wisdom, tithing, getting ready for church, the temple, missionaries, etc.  I love it!!

The pictures below are Andy and Ellie having fun on Sunday afternoon before Ellie's nap.  I like how after all the twirling in the air, Ellie's skirt was up by her armpits instead of her hips.

She really likes to pull this vase out Andy made and sit in it