Pregnancy after loss

I knew that when we got pregnant again it was going to be hard.  I knew that I would overthink every little thing, being afraid that if I overlooked or assumed again that we would come home empty handed again.  We've been told time and time again by our doctor that the chances of having another stillborn are almost non-existent, but it doesn't get rid of anxiety.

Now that I am 21 weeks, I'm feeling this little lady every day, and actually have been since I was 15 weeks.  However, when doing my gender ultrasound, they found that my placenta is on top, which makes it harder to detect movement, but includes no other problem, thankfully.

I actually held things together really well until I started feeling Penny move.  If anything her movement has made me more paranoid for the times that I don't feel her.  With the placenta on top I only feel her 1-2 times a day, and it is never consistent.  The doctor said that as she grows I'll feel her more and that her movement will become regular like my other two pregnancies.

Its hard to be upbeat that everything will be fine, because I know that it always isn't.  I have never been so scared/anxious to have an ultrasound done.  I was so sure that they were going to find something wrong, but she really is a perfect little girl.

Its taken a lot of will power to not drop by the doctors office a few times a week to have a heartbeat check, but I'm really trying to have faith that everything will work out.

I know that getting pregnant when we did was best time, even though it was an incredibly difficult trial to conceive, on top of the trial of loosing Thomas.  I would have been a mess if we gotten pregnant again when I originally wanted to.   At least now, I can mainly deal with it.