Halloween

I am really excited for Halloween this year, it is taking all my willpower to not decorate until the 1st.

Wasn't Ellie the cutest little Piglet?

But more importantly, I'm excited about being excited.  Last year I went through the motions for the sake of Ellie, but my heart wasn't in it.   I was still deep in the fog of grief and depression and even doing something simple, like going to a pumpkin patch, was hard for me to do.

Precious little feet

I still get sad, don't get me wrong.  I look at the mold of Thomas' cute little feet and try to remember what it was like to hold those feet, but to my everlasting despair I find it a  little harder every day to remember what it was like to hold him, how his hair looked, or how long his legs were.

I was reading a talk from the Ensign and it had a wonderful quote from Joseph B. Wirthlin

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

“But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

“No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

I feel like this has been true for me.  My world was shattered on June 11th 2013, and even though it might not be the shape it was before, its being put back together.  I know that I will always mourn Thomas, what mother wouldn't mourn the loss of her son?  But I don't wallow anymore.  I allow myself to grieve for a few minutes, but then I move on.  My grief doesn't control my entire life like it once did and it feels so good.

p.s. whoa! This blog post went in a way different direction than I originally intended, but I like it.