Being back has been harder than I thought it would be. I was sad to leave all my friends in Florida but I was excited to visit Thomas again and to see his headstone in person. What I din't expect was all the haunting memories that have been waiting for me while I was gone.
I look at the bed and remember laying there on my side trying to will Thomas to move and realizes something was wrong.
The chair I sat at as I first looked up the term stillbirth and thinking to myself that can not be possibly what is happening to me.
Driving past Alta View Hospital where my doctor looked at me with sympathy after doing an ultra sound and simply said "I'm so sorry".
Looking at the photos from Thomas' funeral that I hadn't looked at in 9 months and seeing the haunted, vacant look in my eyes.
Going down into the basement and seeing the boxes marked Thomas full of clothes, toys, cars seat and supplies that were never needed.
I'm having to come to peace with a lot of things that I was able to leave behind for the last 9 months. It is really hard, especially since I didn't see it coming.
Oh no Tami!! You will be in our prayers, we love you!
ReplyDeleteTami, my name is Sarah Flake. You posted a comment on my blog a few weeks ago. I love reading your blog. Please know that I am praying for you and you and your cute family are in my thoughts practically every day.
ReplyDeleteAnd even though I've never met you, I love you! If it helps, you can read from my blog too www.sjflake.blogspot.com. I wish you well in all you do!